Sometimes I really do wish I were thin. Its an instinct I get when I see a guy I like check out a girl a good ten sizes smaller than I am, or when I'm looking through a fashion magazine and see an outfit that I adore, but at the sidebar seeing it say it only goes from S-L. It really is hard for a girl like me to fully accept the fact that I'm beautiful because I am different than everyone else. Especially when you have people all around you telling you to mold into something you either aren't comfortable with or something you just don't want to be. I'm not exactly proud of the way I look. There's a whole lot I could do. But, I do like being fuller than most girls. Gives me an advantage. I want to be more shapely and healthy, not thin. Note that I didn't say STICK thin, because there are many girls who are BEAUTIFUL without being too skinny, you know? I have to show them love. But anywho . . .
I get those days when I feel nothing can hide all the lard thats hugging my body. I hate thinking negative, but, once again, it's an instinct. Good point? I regain myself by thinking positive. But anyway, I found a way to really love the way I am, and that way is Crystal Renn. Who is she? Oh, man. You don't know her? You're about to. She's beautiful. And I mean, stunning. Her look is so fresh and vintage. Its so innocent yet burlesque. She's so fxcking cute that I love looking at her. She's plus size. She's thicker than most models. She's got curves unlike most models. And she's stomping stereotypes to the ground. She's 22, married, and from New York (thats my girl!). She started modelling at 14, and she's just like all of us. She was told to lose 10 inches off her waist. That is hell. She went crash dieting and all that and finally lost the weight: she became 96 lbs. at the age of 16! That poor girl, huh. "I never felt sexy at all," she said back in an interview with People Magazine. "I didn't have my period for three years, my hair was falling out, my skin was a wreck . . . I was hurting in a bad way." Finally after one day spending 8 hours ina gym, she realized that she wasn't happy and something had to be done. So she went to her agent and told him how she felt. That's when he mentioned plus size modelling. From that, she became more health smart and regained 70 lbs. the healthy way. After that, she was getting jobs like crazy. Modelling for Dolce & Gabbana, German Vogue, Harper Bazaar (she was the cover girl!) and Elle . . . She's an inspiration. If you pick up the latest issue of Glamour with Miley Cyrus on the cover, you'll see her bathing suit spread from pages 197 to 201. Gorgeous.
There are tons of plus size models out there breaking down these barriers and when I see them, I just melt with happiness. Its people like Crystal Renn and Jill Scott, a woman I find so beautifully pure inside and out, who make me feel great about myself and sorry for the women who think that being skinny is the way to go. Its all about being healthy, isn't it?