Monday, August 31, 2009

Something to Make You Laugh: MADtv's Vancome Lady

Miley Cyrus? A Homewrecker?! NO! (-_-)

Aussie actor Liam Hemsworth's love affair with Miley Cyrus has left his girlfriend at home heartbroken, writes Jonica Bray. When Victorian teenager Laura Griffin saw her actor boyfriend of five years Liam Hemsworth passionately kissing the world's most famous teenager, Miley Cyrus, on the set of "The Last Song," she believed he was only doing his job. But as the 19-year-old student would soon discover, the love of her life was not acting at all — he had fallen head over heels for the Hannah Montana star. Even worse, Laura had to learn from friends that 19-year-old Liam was dating the teen star. "He was my boyfriend and my best friend," Laura tells Woman's Day in an exclusive interview. "There is no other reason why we would have broken up." In the days since she found out her boyfriend had dumped her for Miley, 16, Laura has confessed on her Facebook site her "total utter regret", that she's suffering "depression of some sort", and that she has "tears streaming". Meanwhile, the millionaire US actress is using Twitter to bask in the joy of her romance with former Neighbours star Liam. "Against all odds I fell in love," she wrote recently. "I think I'll just sit around and eat sushi and watch Liar Liar with Liam." Liam and Laura's paths first crossed in Year Eight at school on Phillip Island. Liam's parents had relocated their three boys, Luke, Chris and Liam, from Melbourne. "He was the new boy at school and all the girls liked him," smiles Laura. "He was popular, a bit of a joker and made me laugh." Just a year later, their friendship blossomed into real love. "We became inseparable. He tried to teach me to surf, we watched movies, and went shopping. Liam became more than a boyfriend, he was my best friend."

Gee whiz. I can't really say anything to this, but I can't even fathom Laura must feel. I wonder, did he even bother to contact her or anything after all of this . . . well . . . hoopla? Oh, Miley . . .

News via: Woman's Day

Drake & Trey Songz's "Successful," Video. HUH?!

I'm cheating on Andy Samberg with Drake. Shouldn't have posted that, but, whatevs. Trey Songz and I have phone sex from time to time (you've heard that voice. Ugh . . .) and I do like this song. But there are two things that are confusing me right now.

1) Wasn't "Successful" Drake's song, and it was Trey that was featured?! Just putting that out there. Correct me if I'm wrong, Hooplabers!

2) I hate when people seriously feen for a video, you know, pump it up; get it hype, and then the video comes up CRAAAAAZY short. Was this video really worth four minutes of my life that I will never get back? Its literally four minutes of them chillaxing on a roof and driving a car. Ooooh. Call the Sheriff. Alert the fire marshall.

That is all.

TIDBIT: Drizzy, baby. Video Fail Numero Dos. :-/

Thursday, August 27, 2009

New VMA Promo . . . Ugh (Insert Sighs Here)

I really hate these VMA Promos. They are so lame. I can't take it. My stoms starts churning . . . why are they all so off key?!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Let's Talk About: . . . Porn

The first time I watched porn, I was about thirteen? I was never really uncomfortable with looking at a female/males body. Yeah, it never irked me, you know? But engaging in sexual activity had me perplexed. My cousin, who was fifteen at the time was visiting from Maryland. He was staying for a good two weeks and we had so much fun. Then one night while everyone else was sleeping, because I am a late night person and so was he, we were watching TV, flipping through channels and nothing was giving us anything! So, he took the remote from me and switched it Cinemax. (-_-) If you know Cinemax, you know better than to watch at night. Around 10. Because that's when the freaks come out. At first I was all, "Ricky! Change the channel!" And I was mortified. The blonde chick was riding the guy mega hard! I was dumbstruck! But Ricky wasn't having it. "This is the good shit! Just watch. It's not a big deal!" I was type embarrassed. If I was a shade lighter than my hot chocolate complexion, I would have been as red as a tomato. So we're lying on the pillows we have stacked on my floor and we are just watching. Ricky is all, "Damn, she's a good one." And he's enjoying it. I'm clenching the pillow and just watching. And at first it was really freaking me out. The moaning and the rough tap action that was engaging in front of my very innocent eyes! But an hour in, I was intrigued. So this was sex!

Two nights later, when Ricky, his fam and me and my fam were eating dinner around the table, I whispered, "Are they gonna show that sex stuff again tonight?" Ricky tried not to laugh and whispered, "Yeah, cuz. SMH Look at you! All curious and stuff." There goes the blush again. I was curious. So after that, we started watching porn on a regular. And through the years, I have seen my fair share of porn. I've seen many categories. Some grossed me out, some kept me watching, some made me question myself (HAHAAA!) but I've seen it.

See, I don't hate porn. I fell off the truck a long time ago. I do not watch it on a regular, and if it pops up on TV, you won't catch me watching it. Why? Because most people watch porn because a) they need to know what to do in the bedroom, the pool, the kitchen counter . . . you catch my drift. They want to know how to (excuse my french) suck a dick, eat a pussy, ride a dick, hit it from the back, do the cowgirl, flip her around, use a dildo, bump cooches . . . they wanna know so that when they DO engage in such activity, they don't look stupid and unexperienced! b) They aren't getting action for themselves and they need something to turn them on. Get them heated so they can play with themselves. Yes. Masturbation. c) Men watch porn because they love women and they love seeing and hearing the pleasure women receive. Absolutely understandable!

So, with that being said, a) I won't need any tips as of right now. I pretty much have asked
(Because I'm not afraid to) and I've seen enough and have heard what a guy wants to get off. b) Porn doesn't turn me on. Too fake. What DOES turn me on is love scenes in movies. Because, its like, the characters have gone through a lot just to get to that lovely scene. To be together, to make that love. That is sexy and lovely all together! That turns me on and thinking of someone that has done great things to get ME off. So porn, you don't do it. c) Once again, UNDERSTANDABLE!

Sometimes porn is necessary. Who wants to be lame about it? Its not disgusting. If the situation calls for it, I'll pop a porno in. No prob. If I'm with my guy and we watch a porno, God help me. I'm getting molested that night. I guarantee. It gives you an urge. If, let's say, I werent' a virgin and I wanted to ride my man for the first time, I would pop a porno in, she how she does it. Shit, he would love that! If you resent porn because you think it demeans females . . . seriously? Wake up. Pop one in. If you're not the type that masturbates (Its good for a girl to masturbate. You need to know you hoohaa!), wtf. Pop a porno in. There are many masturbating pornos out there.

If you can read a Zane book with no problem, then you can watch a porn. They have storylines too! Most of them weak and unrealistic, kinda like Zane's books
(no offense but sometimes I can't read some stories she writes. These women are so . . . lame! And the men are so . . . cliche!) but it can help you get offfff. Promise.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Man Candy #6: Jason Bateman

I am like every other human--atleast I hope so--when I say that I have the biggest thing for great actors. Jason Bateman has been on my radar for quite a while. QUITE a WHILE! I remember the first time I saw him . . . no, wait. I don't. I'm extremely honest, I don't remember the first time I saw him act. But the movie was good. I remember that much. Anyway, after that movie, I saw him in another movie. Can't remember . . . OH WAIT! YES! 'Juno'! Man, I feel like a douche for forgetting his amazing performance in 'Juno'. It was the hair. And he looked taller in that movie. I guess that was it. Then I saw him in 'Hancock', and I opened my heart to him. Come crawl into my heart, Jason. Make a home there. Baggage and all that. Nasty lawn gnomes. Antique lamps . . .

Then I finally decided to check out "Arrested Development," because I know that Michael Cera, a previous Man Candy (#4, I believe), was in that show. Plus I heard it was really good. And I had just finished watching "Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist," on STARZ, because it finally debuted and you KNOW how much I love that movie. So I started watching it and I saw Jason. When I saw Jason, I flippin' shitted one of his lawn gnomes! JASON! Plus, I got a kick out of watching Michael Cera when he was young and absolutely nerdy to the extreme. So effin' cute, need I say.

He's also one hell of an actor. He's gooooood. Great. I love his acting. Fun to watch. . . .

I wanna make sweet lurve to you, Jason.

TIDBIT: Check out the trailer for 'Extract', starring him, Mila Kunis (Which reminds me . . .) and Ben Affleck. I'll watch it. Cuz I love Mila and . . . you already know my love affair with Jason. Wink!

Corbin Bleu?! NAKED?! Oh my Heavens!

I used to have the biggest crush on this dude. Met him in person, had a convo with him, then won a contest and had a convo with him on the phone . . . Then I lost interest cuz it just wasn't doing it for me. He was rah rah for Disney and I seriousy LOATHE Disney, so . . . you have that. But I heard that he's movin' on up! To the CW. He's on this show, "The Beautiful Life." I saw the trailer, and so unfortunate, Corbin. It looks like pure bullshit. BULL SHIOT! Buuuuut his promo for the show isn't bullshit. It's quite daring for his status. Doesn't turn me on like WHOA but I would engage in some major tap action with this man.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Megan Fox is a Bad Ass.

For a second, I was just going, "Oh, this PSA is pure bullshit." Til she got to the good part.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Introducing: MAJOR LAZER

I'm worried you might not know about Major Lazer. Yeah, its a scary thought, because Major Lazer is major indeed. I don't listen to this type of music. The closest resemblance to this type of music is Santigold. And if many of you think Major and Santi don't even touch musical notes, then that really shows you how much I listen to that type of music! But. BUUUUTTTTT! Major changed that shite. Seriously. Just take a listen. A whiff of those instrumental beats.

This video is daggering. True daggering. EXTREME DAGGERING. Maaaaajor Laaaaaazer daggering. You can't take it? Walk away from the computer. Do yourself that favor.

Ugh . . . they're parents must be so proud. Seeing them bump and grind like that huh.

I had this song as my Blog song for like two weeks? So you might recognize the sounds. I love the vid, too. Random as heaven. If you don't find this song sexy then . . . what the duck are you listening to music for? Go rob an Art Gallery or something.

ENJOY, and thank me later for introducing you to that who is . . . gotta do this right: MAAAAAJOR LAAAAAZERRRRR!

TIDBIT: They did this thing with Andy Milanokis (if thats how you spell his last name) . . . effing. Brilliant. Like . . . IDK! How do many people not know of Major Lazer?! What kind of world is this?! Take a looksie.

Amber Rose for Complex: Video Inside. BRACE YOURSELF!

I don't give a fuck. Call me a lesbo. Go ahead if that is what you think I am for what I'm about to say but . . . I would soooo go lesbian for Amber Rose. I almost jizzed watching this vid. Like, wtf Amb. Stop the teasing. You are not being kind to my noggin right now. NOT BEING KIND! UGH! Sex appeal on the highest level! Hmmm!

Politics of F*cking aka 50 Things Women Shouldn't Do In Bed

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.
2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.
3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.
4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.
5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.
6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.
7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.
8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.
10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.
12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.
13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.
14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.
15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.
16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".
17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.
18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.
19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.
20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.
21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.
22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.
23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.
24. Refusing to get on top. There's no reason men should have to do all the work.
25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.
26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.
27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when he's touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.
28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?
29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.
30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.
31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.
32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.
33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.
34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.
35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.
36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.
37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.
38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).
39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.
40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.
41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.
42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.
43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.
44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.
45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.
46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.
47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.
48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.
49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.
50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Solange, Sans-Wig. LOOKING GAHGEOUS!

She looks so cute. I really love her without the wig. Its refreshing, don't you think? And you can already see her curl pattern. She looks like someone in the 3 category, or atleast a 4a, like me! I hoping she keeps this up, really. And, don't be surprised Hooplabers, when I tell you that you will have other female celebs trying to pull a Natalie Portman post-"V for Vendetta" / Britney Spears / Amber Rose / Solange (to name a few) BIG CHOP cut.

And, not being a hater, but when you have Solange sitting next to Beyonce, Bee's wig is too revealing now, ain't it?
Pics Courtesy: Naturally Obsessed

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Maxwell covering GIANT Mag

Carol aka the Female Cop from "Pineapple Express": You sexy motherfucker.

Zooey Deschanel & Joseph Gordon-Levitt are Simply Amazing.

I can't stop posting videos today! Or, lately. Isn't that a sham?! Anyway, I haven't seen 500 Days of Summer yet. I wanna kick my ass, too. But it came out nationwide just yesterday so I think maybe on Monday or Tuesday I'll go see it with my homie, Jaiden* since he's a sap for these romance movies. He doesn't really tell people, but he told me and we planned to see it together.

So, in the event of the movie, Zooey did a video for her and her band, She and Him's song,
"Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?" starring her and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. And its so effin cute. I love it oh so dearly. How can you not? They have this fun chemistry that lights up a screen.

TIDBIT: I heard the soundtrack is a must cop. Therefore, I must cop. I mean, a movie with a kick ass soundtrack just means the movie must have been kick ass, too. The last movie I saw with an amazing soundtrack was "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist." Didn't see the movie? Shoot yourself. I've seen that shit like, 500+ times and I am STILL not tired of it!

TIDBITSY: She's so beautiful and he's so sexy smooth. Dammit.

Keyshia's New 'Do

I think . . . OK, I like the stars. Yeah. Thats about it. It looks nice on her. I prefer that over that firecracker red and blonde Cruella De-Vil Vertical thing she had going when she first broke out . . . Black is a nice look for her.

What's your verdict?

Fefe Dobson is BACK!

Fefe, where have you been, my dear?

"Whip It!" Trailer ft. Ellen Page

Did I ever tell you that I love Ellen Page?

Well, I love Ellen Page.

And I have this little crush on Drew Barrymore. So, I am quite excited that she appears and directs this movie that looks so cute and so fun and so . . . awesome. I have this big thing for films that take place in a different time, but also that have an amazing cast to go with it, and the settings look just right. Makes me wish I lived in that time and did what they did. Cuz I swear, I don't think I belonged in this generation sometimes. Or maybe thats just me . . . something to ponder whilst I bathe.


Friday, August 7, 2009

"Lovely Bones" Trailer: Stunning

This movie looks . . . I don't know. I feel that I need to see it. And I don't wanna keep it 50% and then when it comes out, I just wait two more months til it's already out of theatres and I try and catch it on OVGuide. No sir. I have to see this movie the day it comes out or within the week, because this is the type of film that might be nominated for hella awards. Stacks. Plus, Mark Wahlberg is effin' hot, I love Rachel Weisz, Susan Surandon always has me in a smiley fit, Steven Tucci plays the bad guy . . . what? I love him . . . And the girl that stars as Susie, Saoirse Ronan (I love her name, btw) looks very familiar . . . I can't put my finger on where I've seen her previously. Awesome cast, the trailer draws me in like all heaven.

This movie looks BOSS.

Video Courtesy: Something Different

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Maxwell's "Bad Habits" Video

Oh, geeez. ORGASMIC!

And Kerry Washington is sexy, ain't she? Its bad enough that the song is sexy in itself. To add to it, the video is just . . . BITING MY LIP!

I want some tap action right now.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Keri Hilson's Rendition of "Crazy."

I LUBB ME SOME KERI BABY! Seriously! She's so cute! And talented! Here she did a rendition of Crazy by Gnarls Barkley.

TIDBIT: Don't you just love Pepsi Music Cover Arts? I love when the artists sing their favorite songs. Ugh talent!

Video Courtesy: Rachelle's Canvas & Pepsi Music

Chris Rock's Documentary on "Good Hair!"

IDK about anyone else but I am uber excited for this documentary. I've been hearing buzz about it for the past year, and the critics say it is a must watch. Many believe it's for the natural ladies, but I disagree. It's a documentary about a subject that us Black females are so touchy and jumpy about: Hair! Whether we sport weaves, wigs, braids, dreads or afros. It's an issue that is so hard to explain yet so explanatory, this documentary is a great way to go. So, go see it. I know I will.

Keri in Complex Magazine

Ouch. Hot. Stunning. Gorgeous, Keri Baby.
Pics Courtesy C'est La Vie

(Wo)man Candy #3: Santigold

Santigold is fucking hot. Shaddap to those who object. Cuz she really is fucking hot. FUCKING HOT.

Not to mention that she makes sickular music. I've listened to all her shit. And if I hadn't, someone point me to the direction, because I am all ears. Like, for some reason, when I listen to her recent hit, "Your Voice," I picture myself getting high and sitting in a field of grass and flowers with my buds, cuz they'd be high too, and we'll be rambling about sweet mothereffing nothings. I mean we do that already, but adding on to the fact that we will be high as kites, its awesome.

Not to mention, again, that she's from Brooklyn. Where I am born and raised, my suckas.

Santigold, you have my heart, my love.
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